Roller coaster

Today we had to write a story of this picture we had to make a naritive this is my rubric I've got 12\15and my partener got 10\15

As the sun dropped behind the roller coasters William begged and begged his mum too go on the THE MONSTER 2000 cause the girl of his dream’s was in the line of.Her name is Katty she has long hair like an angel sparkly blue eye’s and a lovely smile.She smiled at me I get hot and cold I don’t know what to do so I just waved .Finally mum let me go on the ride but Simon,My little brother tries to stop me but I tell him I’ll be alright I race over to Katty she say’s have I been on this ride before I don’t know what to say again I get hot and cold Ummmmm yeah I have plenty of time’s.She tell’s me all about the ride she said it goes up and under and around and around and around.

I was about to forfet and hope out of line but I took a look at Katty once more and thought I should stay It’s worth it.It was our turn to go on the ride and as I took a set the man told me I’m too short He said I have too be over the monsters hand. The hand was about four metres tall I was only three and and a half every one laughed at me even the homeless guy that live’s in our shed.

I was so embarrassed I ran behind the toilet’s and tears were falling down my face just like me I go down and never came up.I finally came out behind the toilets and brought me a packet full of sugar Well that’s what my dad calls them. He hate’s the word lollie’s he think’s their bad for your teeth they are but their yum.

The man gave me the lollie’s he told me that they're the newest one’s out and if you make a wish while blowing it your wish really does came true.I took the packet home with me and wished that I could be taller I went to sleep and had all this bad dream’s on  me growing taller and one was the best dream ever It was of me and Katty on THE MONSTER 200 we were having so much fun and next to me was this weird girl Brooklyn she kept on picking her nose and couldn’t stop clapping.

The next day I woke up and I was massive I was so tall I thought I was in a dollhouse but after an hour it wore off  so now I know not to mess with magic powder.Or should I ?